Thank you Lansing Community College for spawning the boredom in class necessary to actually do this.
For those who aren't accustomed to me being nasty, I apologize. It's all in good fun even though I may sound like a total bastard. I would never be this vulgar in real life. Rap battles, baby. Footnotes are provided for personals.
You're makin a name for yourself, thats for sure
But not the name your momma gave ya
when she born and raised ya, no
And*, that sucker halfwit half pint halfass jackass
Livin homegrown jerkin to porn alone, stoned
Like a defective bomb, you'll never blow up
So just scurry in front of that movin dump truck, you're fucked.
*And is his screen name.
MB* steady up and tune your voice to treble
Take a break and ponder, my man, you ain't no rebel
Just full of hot air with not enough to rise
The only thing rollin hard here is the rest of the worlds eyes
And what's this about me travelin solo?
Even when I'm alone there's still something else in my home
Its the rhyme, the rhythm, the bass, the beat
It's the talent, the tactics, the love, and the magic
I got it all, and I got it twofold
So quit worshiping the moon, and bow to your new Lord.
*MB, an abbreviation of Moonbiscuit, his screen name
Cream?*
Well, I'm drownin in something, but it sure ain't sweet
It's nasty, I'm nauseuous
Has anyone seen my appetite? I lost it!
Someone, anyone, rescue me from this cesspool
I'm too pretty to die
take this fool
My lifelines are beginning to drop
My breathing is slowing, my heart just stopped
Gotta hand it to you my man, your words are killer
Kinda like Jason or those zombies in Thriller
It's a bit different though, in a different way, it doesn't quite fit
You kill slow and boring
You kill with shit
*He said "my words are cream."
There he goes again
A-N-D actin witty, forgettin he's shitty
Must be the ADD or some wicked PCP
Cause man your flow is so vile and polluting it's givin off CFCs
Oh look at that, Sherpa* knows his science
He too knows acronyms and can bullshit up one-liners
But it's no biggie, It ain't hard, in fact it's a cop out
show me some real skills man, let your God damn monster out
Stop and listen, take notes if you're feelin
Rethink your style, Cause bro there's not much you're achievin'
Quit twittlin your asshairs and get shit right
Cause you ain't gonna win this motherfuckin fight.
MB, slow down, hit the ground and rewind
The mid 90's man? You got a problem with Pharcyde?
You better DRRRROP what you're doin and start to recognize
the fire and ice I spit will leave you speechless, with tears in your eyes
So Listen up, brother man, lemme show you what's what
It's like I'm a pro golfer, and this is putt-putt
You're stuck on grammar like it's some big achievement**
Hey, you passed public school, way to go, genius!
I'll rip up your adjectives, lines and adverbs
I'll murder your rhymes, and humiliate your words
It's a joke, you're about as Hardcore as Cyndi Lauper
Time after Time, rhyme after rhyme
Your skills have nothing to offer.
* Sherpa, my screen name
**Calling people out for Misspellings.
It's time to throw a phoenix down to you clowns
Bring back this thread from the dead and show off my crown
I'll bone all ya'll asses whether I'm gay or not*
I'll make you go from aggressive to passive
I'll cum/come out on top (Ohhh...) **
I take no pity on scoundrels vagrants and thieves
Biting styles and callin themselves the big bad OG
And has a passion for little twin sisters****
Don't you dare reproduce
Try running with scissors
MB has an ass whiter than Rabbit in 8 mile
If only he could get something else to shine like that, like his rhymes or his style
But I know he won't, not when he's gettin boned so much by me
Because the only thing shining on this sucker is the HIV.***
*I was accused of *ahem* fornicating with a fellow forum user betwixt the buttocks.
** I absolutely hate the word "cum", but this was too good.
*** I fully realized I was knocking myself when I wrote this, but I am a laugh whore. (I succeeded too, apparently)
****A reference to "tell yo sis had a good time." between two other users
All right, if the phoenix down can't excite your rhymes, here's an elixir
Or maybe here, take this
blurry images of dicks in lomo pictures*
Cause I know that'll excite you, it'll excite you something sweet
Maybe you'll finally start rollin hard
If you know what I mean
Resuscitate your mind, get some air to your brain
Refrain from fronting, you can't end my reign
You're imagining fantasies that you want to have happen**
You're imagining skills that you are just lackin
Come out of the closet, come down from your castle
You're living in a hip hop homosexual wonderland
Hell, even snoop knows you got problems, man**
* I was told to use a lomo camera to take a picture of my gay escapades.
** Following the previous rhyme I did, the (very predicted) onslaught of scenarios of my antics ensued quite freely.
*** The user's avatar was a picture of Snoop shaking his head goin "aw, hell naw."
Alright folks, enough with the gay jokes
I know I started it
but now we're gettin out of it
Christopher Lowell has feelings too
And you don't know if he's browsing around these forums, do you?
So let's cut it and talk about how much better I am than you two goons.
Cause that's really all we're doin, that's really why we're here
I'll make you dopes feel worse than when you step up to a mirror
You say I'm different, and God damn right
I'm different in every way, I'm too glorious to explain in one night
And, Maybe all that pot is fuckin with your perception
Because true hip hop, I don't think you make the connection
You too MB, Hell will freeze before I ever go crunk
that style is fraud, I got it debunked
Quit spittin fuel because I'm about to spit fire
The tremors you feel will reach from here to Mount Zion
Ya'll words are painful to hear, like "Grandma has a cancerous liver"
Well shit, what else is new, I guess go figure
I'll drop these rhymes like dimes from a tower
Hit you in the top of your skull with em
Laughin while you cower
And, it's true No one's ever in here except you me and MB*
But the time is now
For your sorry candy asses to leave
But savor the moment you sheep, because your looking at a king
The most fantastic hip hop head will always be me.
*A reference to a small conversation about how no one is ever in the rhyme thread except me and two others.
Somebody check my nervous system, cause man I ain't feelin it.
These weak ass rhymes couldn't possibly entice, not with this weak shit
Boring, Line for line ya'll fading like printers low on ink
Fill some talent in those cartridges, cause damn ya'll stink
I'm not trying to be a badass here, that just comes natural
Like a man of science, I bring reality, my skill is factual
But like a Hip Hop God, I also bring Hell
So wake up from your smoked up ego spell
It's time you respect your betters
Cause with me in this game you just don't measure
Boy don't even start me on the sins I've committed
I've bitten flesh off puppies and sacrificed kittens
I've painted my house red by chucking babies at the wall
I've sliced open chests and sucked life with a crazy straw
I've slept with God's angels and partied with Demons
Man fuck you, you've crossed the wrong heathen
So take this advice and take it to heart
Watch who you beef with
Hip Hop isn't just a game, it's fuckin black art.
*Editors note: I have not bitten flesh off of puppies, I'm not a monster. (Just kittens.)
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